Just Listen
by Ultrawoman
Summary: Part of the Just Us Series. AU 6x15 As You Were. Buffy tells Spike their 'relationship' is over because she can't hurt him anymore, but there's a little more to it than that...


A/N : Another one for the Just Us Series, this time making a sweet Spuffy scene for 6x15 As You Were. Weirdly I actually went for the final scene when, on the show, Buffy tells Spike it's over. In my version it's not as simple as that...  
(Disclaimer : Joss owns Buffy and Spike and all things BtVS, also the first part of this fic has dialogue stolen straight from the show!)

Just Listen

"So she's back" Spike sighs, as he senses Buffy has entered the crypt behind him, "Thought you'd be off snogging with soldier-boy" he comments as he turns.

"He's gone" the Slayer tells him softly, still a little stunned that she doesn't care all that much about Riley's departure, or his wife for that matter.

"So, you come for a bit of cold comfort?" her vampire lover guesses, looking more pained than pleased about it, "The bed's a bit blown up, but then, that was never our..."

"I'm not here to..." Buffy interrupts, realising she doesn't even want to say the words, what they've doing is so disgusting she doesn't even want to think about it, "And I'm not here to bust your chops about your stupid scheme either" she assures him, almost reading his mind, "That's just you. I should have remembered"

The vampire gives her an intense look as he steps towards her.

"So this is worse then" he realises "This is you telling me..."

"It's over" she finishes for him, knowing she can't go on like this, can't go on abusing him this way and hurting them both.

"I've memorised this tune, luv" Spike tells her, coming much closer, "Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want" he tells her, knowing with some certainty that it's true.

"I know that" she nods, "but I don't want you this way, it's wrong and..."

"Oh here it bloody comes" Spike sighs, rolling his eyes heavenward, "Come on then, Slayer" he prompts, "Let's get it over with. 'You're an evil, soulless, badly dressed bastard with all the charm of a louse'" he mimics her voice very badly before switching back to his own "Am I close?" he asks, the pain in his eyes cutting into her, more harsh than any blade, making Buffy wince.

"I don't...I mean, I..." she stammers, feeling like she might cry at any moment. She did so a lot lately, ever since she came back, but mostly in the privacy of her own room, not in front of prying eyes.

"Come on, Slayer" he urges, almost nastily, "Give it me good, Buffy, yell and scream and hit me til I bleed...'S what you want, isn't it?" he says frustratedly, getting right in her face, grabbing hold of her by the upper arms and almost goading her to hurt him.

"I don't want to hurt you" she snaps, pushing his hands away and stepping back a pace, "Don't you understand that!" she yells now, he's driven her to the point where its all she can do.

"Funny thing, luv" he tells her with a tilt of his head, "Cos just the other day you were pummelling me into the ground...not five hours ago you were smacking me round the room and..."

"I'm sorry" she mumbles, and he never would have heard her if not for his vampiric hearing abilities, "I want to explain if you'll just listen to me?" she says a little louder, looking up at him finally. After a long moment he nods gently.

"Alright, I'm listening" he says, moving back to sit down on the edge of some rubble. He's not sure what's coming but it ought to be interesting.

"Okay" Buffy says, taking a deep breath, fingers lacing together and apart like a nervous twitch as she looks over at him, "I've been using you" she starts by stating the obvious, "You told me you loved me and I knew you wanted me so I took advantage of that. I used you to feel something, anything, after I...came back" she explains.

"Familiar with the story, luv" he tells her, "Funnily enough I was sort of there"

"Let me finish" she snaps more harshly than she means to, "I thought you said you were going to listen"

Spike puts his lips together, making a motion with his fingers as if his mouth is zipped shut. Buffy rolls her eyes at how childish he can be but continues.

"Anyway, it was only when Riley showed up, and he brought his wife..."

Spike's eyes go wide at that but he doesn't speak.

"Everyone expected me to feel jealous, and I wasn't, not really. I'm completely over Riley, in fact I'm not even totally certain I was ever totally in love with him...but that's not the point" she tells herself to stop rambling and get on with it, "The point is, what I was jealous of, a little bit, was the fact they were happy. This demon hunting, but kind of normal, happy couple. I want that, the happy, the comfortable, the deep love with the friendship that holds it all together..."

Spike's face falls, assuming this is a long-winded way of telling him she wants him out of town or whatever. She sees his sad expression and realises she's not being clear enough.

"What I'm trying to say is, I want that, what Riley and Sam have, and Xander and Anya, and what Willow and Tara used to have. It occurred to me that what I was doing to you was horrible, not that I hadn't noticed before but...it was when I thought about ending things with you completely, that made me feel worse than remembering the terrible things we've done" she admits.

He waits for her to say more but she is silent a full minute and he decides now he is probably safe to open his mouth.

"I still don't quite get what all this speechifying is in aid of, luv" he tells her with a frown as he gets up from his 'seat' and walks towards her.

"That's exactly what it's for" she says, wishing this wasn't so hard, "Love" she repeats his term of endearment, stating it as her whole reason for being here. Spike dare not believe she means what he thinks she does.

"You're here because of love?" he checks, just waiting for her to explode, call him every name under the sun before beating him to a bloody pulp, but he risks it anyway, just in case.

"Yes" her answer would be inaudible if he weren't just a foot from her and listening intently with expert ears, "I don't know if I'm in love with you" she says quickly when a smile spreads across his face, "but I think I could be"

"It's a start" Spike nods, "More than a start actually, it's bloody brilliant" he grins and she can't stop a smile appearing on her own lips too.

"I was wondering, could we start over?" Buffy suggests, "I know we can't be a 'normal' couple" she air-quotes, "but what we have now, it's not working for either of us"

"Tell me what you want me to do, pet" he urges her, "That's all I ever wanted you to do, I just want you to be happy"

"And I want to be happy, with you" she assures him, "but this isn't all about me, it's about you too" she reminds him, putting a hand to his face, "When I think about what I did to you, how I treated you..."

"Ssh" he hushes her, taking her hand from his cheek and turning it to his lips to kiss her palm, "'S all forgotten, Slayer"

"No" she shakes her head, grateful for his forgiveness but not feeling as if she deserves it yet, "I am so sorry, Spike, and I'm going to make it up to you, I am" she swears.

"Okay" he nods, finding it easier just to agree. To be honest he'd agree to anything right now. She may not have said she loves him, but she said she might and that was close enough for now. Bloody hell, she'd even apologised for her previous behaviour, that had to be some kind of miracle!

"When you said no more..." he makes a vague gesture and look in his eyes tells her what he means, "That mean snogging's out too?" he checks.

"God, I hope not" she says, and he grins before leaning in to kiss her.

When she responds and their arms wind around each other, Buffy realises even what she just told him was not the pure truth. She knows, deep down she knows, that she's already completely in love with him, but now is not the time to tell. She'll wait a while, til they've had some time to date properly, get used to being a real couple, then she'll tell him. That is if he ever stops talking and/or kissing her long enough to listen...

The End

A/N2 : Please review and let me know what you think, thanks in advance to anyone that does!


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